Positivity

Evan is smiling even though he was born way too early at 26 weeks.

A note on positivity:

As I left Evan's room today, the doctors and social worker made a comment about my big smile. They remarked how I was always smiling, even when my baby was having a bad day. I replied that it's all relative. Someone else is experiencing a worse day, someone a better. I just have to keep it in perspective.

I know when we were admitted, the doctors would kind of remark at our attitudes as they would update us each day. I think they didn't To me, it was better than the alternative. It was easier to think positive and that Evan was going to be fine. Sometimes I believe that if I think it, it will happen. You know, fake it 'til ya make it kind of attitude.

Our experience with the NICU started with Evelyn. She showed Andrew and I how to be strong for each other. How to rely on each other, yet give each other space. She introduced us to uncertainty and having faith in others and each other. Every day I wish she was still with us, but I thank her for giving us a glimpse into the life her brother would start off with.

I do struggle to stay positive. There are some days that I feel really sorry for myself or Evan or Andrew. I hate our situation. I am mad at my body. I am mad at overly pregnant women I see. However, I try really hard to remind myself that Evan is the one that needs me to be strong. He needs to see that I believe in him. He needs me to be strong.

At the end of the day, I am positive for Evan. I want him to soak up all the positive rays and turn them into growth. I believe in him and the best way to show him is to stay positive.